Opiate Withdrawal And My Hellish Experience

Part One: The Physical Symptoms Of Opiate Withdrawal

People who have never experienced withdrawal from a substance are always curious to know what it is like. Through words, I can only paint you a picture, no matter how much detail I use to describe it. Even if I choose the best words, it will in no way come close to the severity of how withdrawal feels to the person experiencing it. I hope posting this will discourage people from ever considering using drugs that create dependence. Not only that but also keep people from experiencing the hellish withdrawal that follows. Likewise, if anyone reading this has a friend or loved one currently going through opiate withdrawal, this will help you to gain perspective on what they are dealing with. 

To describe opiate withdrawal accurately to you, I have to recall those moments. Putting myself back there isn’t easy or enjoyable. Doing this sometimes causes me to experience flashbacks that literally induce nausea. Because of this, I am going to break it up into parts, starting with the physical effects of withdrawal.

The Desire To Avoid Opiate Withdrawal

Withdrawal is the effect of chemical dependency. When that chemical is no longer being ingested the body and brain react through various withdrawal symptoms. A common misconception is that withdrawal consists of only physical symptoms, this is untrue. Withdrawal affects the body physically, psychologically, emotionally and yes, spiritually. This is why so many addicts do whatever it takes, things they would not usually do, in an attempt to prevent withdrawal. 

If I asked you to purposely place the palm of your hand onto an open flame on a stovetop, you would look at me like I was crazy and refuse. You would be right in doing so. No one wants to knowingly expose themselves to pain of any kind, emotional or physical. Our human nature has a built-in instinct to survive, as well as avoid suffering. This is why you can have an addict who truly wants to get clean and sober, yet refuses treatment or relapse when the withdrawal gets too intense. Surrendering all of yourself to withdrawal is extremely difficult, but not impossible.

Physical Symptoms

The onset and severity of physical withdrawal symptoms depend on a few things. How long the addict has used, their tolerance, and daily dosage. I can only speak from what I’ve experienced along with the information I have collected from other addicts. For someone like myself who was heavily addicted to opiates, with an exceedingly high tolerance, the onset of withdrawal symptoms started anywhere between 12-24 hours.

Onset symptoms included extreme fatigue in the brain and physically in the body. It feels like your body is made of lead, simulating the feeling of heaviness. Most individuals withdrawing will use this fatigue to their advantage by sleeping through as much of the process as possible. If a person is lucky enough to do this, it will buy them some time. Nevertheless, they will inevitably awaken from the rush of cold sweat pouring out.

Cold Sweats, Nausea, and Vomiting

For myself, the cold sweats were one of the worst manifestations of my opiate withdrawal. Freezing cold all the way to my bones, even though my body was drenched in a perpetual sweat. Showering hurts because your body is aching. The droplets of water and the act of standing seem torturous. I would curl up into the fetal position on the shower floor. The showerhead felt as though it was pouring out tiny razors onto my body. The change in temperature and the wind outside hurt my skin.

You desperately try to reduce the sweats by laying a towel down on your bed.  Even though it’s futile because in an hour it is already soaked. The fabric of the towel or your clothing against your skin feels damp and cold. It feels like your wearing wet clothing after being dragged out of a frozen pond that you fell into.

Within minutes, you overheat as your body tries to figure out a way to regulate your temperature. This cycle of hot and cold sweats is unbearable. It often brought me to tears because I couldn’t take the constant discomfort. The body aches get worse and you feel like you have been run over by a Mac truck. Without warning, nausea slams you. You realize your body is aware of the poison inside of you as it drives you to the bathroom to vomit and defecate. At this point you are dangerously dehydrated,  sweating, shaking and losing fluids in the bathroom. Yet you cannot intake anything to replenish what is being lost. 

Fevered Dreams And Night Terrors

Sleep is impossible because you notice that if you fall asleep, it will only exacerbate the cold sweats, but you remain awake to avoid the fevered night terrors that opiate withdrawal brings. There is such a thing as withdrawal night terrors, and they are enough to scare you sober. When you eventually do fall asleep unable to fight the exhaustion, it is only in brief episodes because you are so incredibly uncomfortable, soaking wet, freezing cold and waking up in a panic from your fevered dreams.

Consider all of your greatest fears, that will be the material that is used for your tailored nightmares. Scenarios of losing loved ones along with making mistakes that can’t be undone play like a movie in your mind. Your body and mind desperately want to escape the withdrawal and the strongholds of addiction are aware of this. Persuading you to give up and give in through dreams of walking into a room to discover a heaping pile of free drugs, the one thing that can stop all the suffering. Contentment is finally reached as you experience the relief of “getting right,” only to wake up to discover it was all a sick joke. These were the moments when I often quit, looking back I clearly see the demonic influence behind it. 

Seeking Death

The echoes of painful moaning and sobbing can be heard through the walls of my bedroom. As I weighed out the pros and cons of suicide. Nothing is as awful as heroin withdrawal, and it is the reason so many addicts take their lives. Movies and TV shows do not accurately depict withdrawal, it is glamorized and illustrated through a montage over a few days. For a heavy user that has taken drugs for years’ withdrawal can last months, I know it did for me. This is just a small portion of the puzzle that forms a picture of withdrawal because there are still missing pieces of the physiological, emotional, and spiritual side effects.